Someone asked me how I want my future to look like.

I didn't answer right away—not because I didn't want to answer, but maybe I have no words left.

Maybe I didn't really think about it.

People ask me what I want. Every time I meet them I just smile... not because I don't know, but how? How am I supposed to tell?

​But today I sat with myself.

Allowed myself to lower the guard that protected me in ways I couldn't tell.

I sat with myself, asked whether I'm happy, or am I still in a relationship with my past, toxic than toxin a NAZA has.

I smiled, no at anyone particularly.

Words from earlier echoed till I spoke.

I whispered something that was not even audible to my ear. How am I supposed to tell this to others?

​Do I really need to answer?

I always ask myself why the words uttered by someone who is not me affect me this much.

Why do they have the power to make me question my worth?

Do I really need validation? Maybe...

​I sat with myself with answers not for anyone in particular, but for myself.

For the girl who dreams, dreams, and dreams.

Who wants to be someone who is actually providing her share to Mother Earth, and the nation.

Who wants to answer people who ask what she did—did she invent a bulb or even a medicine or maybe something?

​She spoke. She doesn't want a house of jewels, but memories, laughter echoing through the walls.

She wants to have friends—not colleagues or acquaintances, but friends.

She wants her future self full of self-love, courage she may not have today. She wants peace, not the noise that resides in her mind.

She wants a voice to voice her feelings.

She wants to say "I'm not fine" when she is not.

She wants her people by her side.

​Maybe she fears loneliness, maybe she fears being vulnerable, maybe she fears being someone who overshares, or maybe someone who fears being in the radar of eyes.

She wants to laugh—not the polite one, but her crazy self back.

She wants her chatterbox self back, who never allowed the space to become so silent that even the shadow fears.

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